Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.

- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

One of the greatest obstacles I have had to overcome on my journey has been my obsession with the past.  I have a decent “library” of memories stored away that I love to visit, but I have come to realize that too much attention on what already did happen keeps me from experiencing what is happening right now.

We gain nothing by focusing on the past and missing the present moment.  We fail to experience what is happening around us when we are immersed in memories of what no longer affects us.  (Let me clarify: Should no longer affect us.)  We can learn from the past, we can laugh about the past, but ultimately, we have to leave the past and return to the present moment.  Life is happening NOW.  Make sure you’re here to experience it.

Think about how much better life would be if you stopped the past from controlling your present.  When you are with your kids, do you actually enjoy the time you have, or are you thinking about the money you just spent on the radiator?  Are you appreciating the beauty of the park you are walking through, or still thinking about the aggravation of dealing with the cable company for hours?

The “solution” I have found works best is to draw a strong dividing line between what is, and what was.  Take a moment, every once in a while, to determine if you are focused on right now, or letting the past affect you.  If you need to, take the time to visualize whatever it is that happened and “place” it on the other side of the dividing line.  Now that it is there, enjoy how relieved you feel because you have restored focus to the present.  Whatever is on the other side of the line (outside the now) doesn’t affect you.  It is in the past, and it has no control over you unless you grant it that power.

Personally, I only cross over that line into the past when I need to (such as for practical matters) and do my best to steer clear otherwise.  I realized that letting a memory or emotion from the past affect the present is nonsensical.  Why should I have a terrible time at the movies with my friends because I am still mad at a driver who cut me off on the way there?  Unfortunately, our minds love to recall anything and everything, so this takes a bit of work, but the reward makes it worth it.  Total presence gives way to spectacular experiences and a general propensity to see the glass as half full.

A Buddhist monk once told me: “All I have learned in the twenty years that I have been a monk I can sum up in one sentence: All that arises passes away. This I know.” What he meant, of course, was this: I have learned to offer no resistance to what is; I have learned to allow the present moment to be and to accept the impermanent nature of all things and conditions. Thus I have found peace.”
-Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

From time to time we may find ourselves thinking about “the good ol’ days” wishing we could return to the past, when everything was better. Of course, that usually isn’t actually the case since we have a tendency to gloss over anything we didn’t like, but that’s not the point of the above passage. Rather, the point is things never stay the same, and that should bring great comfort. It does not matter what it is, something always changes, be it the people, the place, or even simply our perceptions.

The sooner we realize this, that change is a ubiquitous reality that affects everything, the sooner we can come to terms with this moment. And that’s all that we ever really have, is this moment. Senior Year of high school, complete with football games to attend, freshmen to haze, and a general feeling of invincibility will never come back. (Some of you are thinking, “Thank God.”) That brand new car you bought will never look as good as it did on the lot and never smell as good, either. Embrace this.  Don’t spend time wishing for the good ol’ days to return, live them!

By the same token, if you are finding yourself in a bit of a rough patch, that too will change. Soon everything will swing back in your favor and you will feel just fine. But only if you let it. In order to improve your life situation, you have to let go and allow the change to happen. This is true whether you are happy now or not. Many people have devoted an immeasurable amount of energy attempting to keep everything neatly in a box, tucked away hoping to preserve the status quo. It won’t, and that’s the best part! Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Let go of your desire to control. When we try to resist change, what we are really doing is attempting to control the uncontrollable. Let go. Embrace the fact that everything tomorrow will be different, whether just a little or a lot. Embrace what comes to you, whatever it may be, with the knowledge that permanence is an illusion. Wasting our time chasing an illusion is a bit silly, don’t you think?